Dookie wall

My happiness has pretty much been limited to a few hours a day........

Why...? Because stuff happens, and I don't really know how to deal with it....

I've been told to forget.....I've been told to do this and that....but nothing, really works for a definitive amount of time......It's like, I tell myself to do something....or I just do it...but then, I realize what I'm doing...and I sort of talk myself out of it...I am constantly doing this....over analyzing things, over thinking situations, or thinking of stuff that is so totally irrelevant to the situation...I can still find a way to link the two together....Oh well, time will fix it I guess...

The only reason I type this out, or say anything...is because, I always keep my mouth shut...and never ever ask for help....When I do this, things never get addressed...and emotions are just pushed way way back...Only to resurface later on in life....


I dunno, things have either been up...or way down...Before the team camp, I didnt do anything all day....I only rode for a few hours a week...if that...and I tended to not get out of bed...Then the team camp came....and well, I mostly tired...but I was pretty happy, becuase the team....and everything that goes along with it, reminded me of my dreams and goals....and what I had to do to get there.......I was real happy for a couple weeks after that, then life...and all my problems started to sink in.....I kept riding, and training....but other than that.....Emotionally, I have been nothing but crap....This stuff isnt beyond me, but playing the waiting game................and questioning whether or not the thing you are waiting on, will even be there....really really sucks......Having faith, hope and love...and putting all these things into one person...that has either forgotten about you, just doesnt care, or is too self involved to realize....what you are going through....really sucks...the most, I would have to say this sucks pretty much the most....



Oh well, time will tell...