Whos I is, and whys that is

Whos I is?

I is Evan Bybee.

I will divulge a little about myself while I still can. I will try to explain why I have chosen the life that I have, where I have been, where I am now and where I hope to be....

I am Evan. I race my bike, pretty much for a living..(I dont make any money) Then how is this a living..? Because, its what I work towards everyday. I put time, money and everything that I am into this. I 'live' for this.....therefore, to me....its a 'living'....

Why did I choose to do this....?/where have I been?

I chose to race bikes, at first, because I was good at it....I for my first two years of racing, only came in either first or second....I made a name for myself at the age of 15. I could keep up with the 'fast guys' at the mountain bike rides, and at races, I would regularly catch most of the Sport class....when my age group (Sport 12-15) would always start last.....After my first year of 'racing'....I quit soccer after 7 years....I quit soccer for many reasons...The first and main reason was the decline of the league in Oklahoma....I played competitve, or club, or amateur...whatever the name, it was not your local soccer...you had to tryout, make the team, practice everyday, at home and at practice, go to training camp, play games, go to tournaments out of state and be really good....I liked this part...I liked all the hard work, and effort that came with it...why..? Because I was naturally good at it...I didn't have to put in tons of time praciticing...I would more or less, go out in the street and just fool...juggling as many times as I could, play with the neighborhood kids, play soccer tennis with my little brother and run all over the place with my ball....from the time I got home from school, til it got dark..and then some....Why? Because it was fun, and I was pretty good....Not by my standards was I good....I was told I was....Anyway, the second reason....Fights...My team, in its last year, would always get into fights....this sucked...all I wanted to do was play the game.....my family invested time and money into me to play, and here I go to a game...and it gets cancelled because some chump decides to start throwing punches...that sucks........The third reason....losing.....Soccer is very much a team sport....and when you lose, its the teams fault....everyone is to blame...I got tired of losing.....Its not that my team wasnt good...no, we would always go into the State Tournament with the best record...but just like the OU Sooners...We would choke in the finale....to a team we would beat 5 goals to none during the season....I like to win....The last reason...I found cycling.....Cycling is a one person sport...at least mountain biking is...If you lose a race you have no one else to blame but yourself...and you have the opportunity to work on that....and win the next one....Road racing is, a team sport....but, it is the MOST individual team sport ever played...or raced....There is a certain individuality to it....there are certain races that one person on the team is better for...so on and so forth................Well, I was good at mountain biking....I got all the way up into the Expert catagories...(Cat 1 nowadays).....In my final season of racing mountain bikes, I did pretty good....coming in second at Mas-o-Menos in my catagory, winning a few races in Oklahoma, and getting a slew of podiums...however...I was not up to par...I was sick..literally....I thought I just wasnt good enough......So I took some time off...and did my first road race...NWA Classic....This was a big train wreck for me....I got 5th, but it was not a good result...as a result of poor planning...I prepared to do one lap (23 miles) with one bottle.....However we did two laps....I ran out of water.....and went one whole lap without....and got 5th.....I was hooked...I loved it, the race was not hard...mainly because we all just goofed around the whole time...but when it got hard, I really liked it...going fast...I really like to go fast...on a mountain bike, this was my favorite part....I didnt like technical stuff...I like wide open fast, flowing trails....Likewise I like fast flowing roads...This is what I became hooked on...the speed....I like to see how fast I can go....So far the fastest I have ever gone is 63 mph....sprinting down Mt. Scott...The final straight away, I got up on the pedals at 45 mph, and took it to 63...it sucked...not the funnerest way to go really fast....but I went fast none the less.......I choose to race for a few reasons.....Its hard, very, very hard....I like that...I like the critics, who say 'thats stupid'...or, 'you should be going to college'...or 'make some money, the easy way'.....pssssh, thats my reaction....I hate that crap...Its stupid..? Chasing dreams...thats stupid...? You have literally.....no heart, brain, or respect for the human being if this is what you think.....and by human being, I mean others as well as yourself......You should go to college....? If you would take the time to get to know me, and learn a little about me...then you would know, that school is not my forte...I'm not stupid, I lack a sense of discipline to do things that I think are stupid, a waste of time, or things that I already know...or have already been taught....My test scores were good, above average in most cases.....I took an ACT/SAT class my senior year...we took the ACT from 2004...I made a 28...most colleges require you to make a 21......I think I am 'book smart', and a little 'common sense smart'...I say a little, because if I had common sense I would have done all my work, turned it in, and made straight A's....I grauduated highschool...I did not quit, I barely passed...............

Racing bikes, as well as going to college...just doesn't seem like something I could easily achieve....I think I should put all my effort into one, or the other....So thats what I am doing...I picked racing bikes over college..for now..I am only 20 something for 10 years...I can never get those years back......College, will always be there...and I ain't gettin dumber....well, maybe a little...What do I base this all on...? Highschool....I raced bikes all throughout school....I had the motivation to train, but not to study.......I don't want to screw college up doing the same thing, when it costs money.....

And, making money, an easier way...? Being lazy, like that....is stupid...and I don't care about money.....I really don't...ask my dad.....he'll be the first to tell you....

I use the critics voices, and dumbass remarks to push me along...as motivation....to go fast, and win.....However, this is not why I race....and train 15-25 hours a week...

Why do I train..?

Because, it has been my dream since I was a weee lad...to become a professional athlete...I want to be at the top of the racing world......I just want to become a pro, and experience all the things that come along with that. I like the road I must go down to get there as well....The journey is probably the best part...

I train, to prove it too myself...I am my biggest critic...I will never be fast enough. This is mostly because I listen to the critics, sometimes...I let stuff get me down..a lot....but I try to overcome, and use it to my advantage...

I choose this life, because its where I can finally fit in...I don't fit into the normal world...i never have....I don't think like 'normal' people, I don't act like 'normal' people and I don't value the same things 'normal' people do.....I feel comfortable here, on this path...riddled with sticks and stones...I also feel terribly uncomfortable...because there is too much on the line...too much at stake...I cannot screw it up...I won't screw it up......I like this life, I don't ask you to judge me...I chose it....its mine.

I wrote this two days ago......It sums me up pretty well....

I will tell you what I live life for. I live my life to realize my boyhood dreams. I live my life to walk the hard path. I walk the hard path, alone. I have chosen this path out of desire. I live life for the passion. I have done a lot of thinking, recently, about why I live life. I have been lost for too long, and had done too little thinking on this issue. I have very little responsibilities, or things to do in my day...I simply eat, sleep, shower, and ride....This is the life I live...I live with my parents, for now....I do want to move out, but I am not mature enough yet to handle the responsiblities of life alone....I have a job, however it is temporary....I pray to God on a daily basis, because I am lost a lot of the time.....maybe its talking out loud, I don't know...it helps though.... I want to lead a happy life. I am trying my hardest to do so...but you really shouldnt TRY to be happy...True happiness just comes.... I would trade money for happiness anyday. I have chosen this life, because it is where I fit. Where I am the most comfortable, and the least comfortable. I do not fit in the secular world, of business men, offices, desks and money. No, these things do not really matter to me... What? I don't care about money? Yeah, I don't....Money is a tool, to get the things that we desire, need or think we need....If you don't have the money for these things, then where does that put you..? In a position to make it.....No, this path does not really include a football players amount of money.....I'm not in it for the money... I want to realize my potential, and dreams. Most criticize me for the path I take... Because it is not smooth, its bumpy, rocky, and not clear. I have chosen a path among the critics and cynics that merely sit along the way, and do what they do best...destroy dreams... No, I have come too far, I have had too many people expect great things, I have let too many people down, I have sacrificed too much, I have won too many races, I have lost too many races, I have cried too much, I have had my heart broken too many times, I have tried too hard, I have trained too many hours days months and years, I have dreamt too much, I have had my dreams crushed too many times, I have crashed too many times, I have gotten up too many times, I have made it this far........ There is still a path yet to continue down, people will still expect greatness, people will still be let down, sacrifices still must be made, races will always need to be won, races will be lost, tears will still flow, my heart will heal, fight never dies, training will never cease, dreams need to be realized, dreams will be criticized, crashes happen, I will always get up and I wll still continue down this path. People criticize me for this path because there are too few people that make it big, or that can even do this...Its these odds that appeal to me....I would love to prove everyone wrong....I choose this dream, I choose this life of hardship, tears, pain, suffering, heartache, dirt, blood, and glory....I choose this path because it appeals to me, I like it....Do not judge me, do not criticize me, I have chosen it...It is me. It is mine. I walk it. I live life for the passion. I have chosen this path out of desire. I walk the hard path, alone. I live my life to walk the hard path. I live my life to realize my boyhood dreams.